Why is it, after time and time again you kept breaking my heart, I still think about you? I wonder how you're doing, what you're doing, who you're with. Does this mean I still feel for you? I know I still care...I can't deny that I do. But I don't want to be with you anymore. Why is it so hard to let you go?

There's so much I want to say, so much I want to fill you all in on but I don't even know where to start. Since 2004 started, I've been reflecting a lot about the past, as I'm sure everyone does once a new year begins. I see the changes external to myself and more importantly, internally. My emotional well being is actually tipped to the positive side of the scale...it's been awhile since I've had such a positive outlook on life and the future. I can't deny that there are a few things holding me back, a few regrets that I wish I could erase but can't. But like they say, you learn from your mistakes.

This year I didn't make any of those ridiculous new year's resolutions like: I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to save money, I'm going to get a hot boyfriend, I'm going to stop procrastinating (I've just accepted the fact that procrastination is ingrained into my being). I usually forget what they are by the middle of February, or if I've written them down, I'd make up some excuse as to why I haven't attempted to fulfill them.

Right now I'm just living in the moment, taking everything in as it is, seeing things in a perspective untainted with worries about tomorrow or next week or whatever (or trying anyway). Most importantly, I'm appreciating every second of the day. Of course, life isn't going to be just so damn peachy every moment, of course I'm going to bitch and complain about some stupid situation or some asshole person I come across, but there are at least 1000 things to every incident/fuckhead to be grateful for.

I'm probably jinxing myself by writing about this and have like the worst day/week/month/year ever but knock on wood right? Go with the flow....yo

current mood: mellow